Showing posts with label Bullshit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bullshit. Show all posts

Wednesday 24 October 2018

Racist Much?

This is odd as fuck!

Apart from the intentionally racist byline, the rest of the copy is full of inconsistencies.

It dismisses the relative complexities of liquid cooled motors and rising rate shock linkages as 'Technology for the sake of Technology' and curiously implies that wheel mounted rear disks are just not a good idea. Then without a hint of irony goes on to advocate for a rear brake disk mounted on the front sprocket.

Now I can see the sense in this. Removing the disk and caliper from the rear wheel would indeed reduce the unsprung mass and that is a worthy thing - though 5 lbs or over 2.25 kg seems a bit optimistic.

But subjecting the rear brake caliper and disk to the constant heat of the motor and oil from the chain probably mitigates against this somewhat. Also, in the admittedly unlikely event of throwing a chain, you no longer have a rear brake. I dunno, maybe it worked well and I do admire that sort of 'Out of the Box' thinking. But unlike liquid cooled motors and rising rate shock linkages, it's a technology that never caught on.

Also, despite all the ad's jingoistic flag waving, the bike is equipped with an Austrian Rotax motor...

The ad is almost thirty years old, but it doesn't seem out of date given the political climate in America today.

As Trump might say - Sad!

'To us, the Japanese all look alike' - 1989 ATK Motorcycles magazine article.

Image Unknown

#ATK #MAGA #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Saturday 15 October 2016


Taking the fun out of motorcycling since 1921...

Taking the fun out of motorcycling since 1921...

#BMWMotorrad #BMWVisionNext100 #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Thursday 19 November 2015

XV950 Racer

Y'know, I like the whole Yard-Built Yamaha thing but this is pretentious rubbish...

XV950 Racer

#YamahaXV950 #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Wednesday 15 April 2015

Puma - Dress for the Crash

What the actual fuck?

Am I missing something here, or is this the most cynical bullshit hipster marketing attempt yet?

'Dress for the Crash' as a tagline seems to me that Puma might be considering moving into motorcycle casual wear, y'know, armoured trainers or Kevlar jeans. I'd buy that. I can't be arsed wearing leathers all the time and I've always liked Puma as a brand.

And it's not a huge leap that they might do that - they already make Puma motorcycle boots and I think they make race suits.

But no, 'Dress for the Crash' in this instance appears to mean wear our product on your way to the hospital with accidental gunshot wounds, road rash, pit-bull bites and alcohol poisoning...

This isn't 'edgy', it's bullshit.

Puma - FUCK OFF!


What The Actual Fuck?

Dress For The Crash - PUMA from valentin petit on Vimeo.

#Puma #DressForTheCrash #CynicalHipsterBullshit #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Wednesday 17 September 2014

What The Actual Fuck?

It's a post-modern, post-future world and we (well, motorcyclists and younger people) seem to dwell in a sort of eternal mid '60s to mid '70s retro-fantasy where Steve McQueen is king of everything and an air-cooled BMW with no mudguards is the pinnacle of style and taste.

I don't like it, but that's the way it is.*

Why don't I like it? Well, because it's bullshit revisionism. If you want to be retro about something, be retro about something that actually happened, maybe?** And in any case, why not just be optimistic and future oriented? Just sayin', but retro is really just an indicator of an inability to deal with the present...

I was browsing Google Images the other day and I came across the picture below and my whole world shook. My finely honed, post-future, eternal-twentieth-century bullshit sensor went crazy and yet I was clearly looking at a genuine mid '70s image!***

My self-belief was badly injured and my confidence was shattered. And the early '80s Buck Rodgers future-fantasy world that I personally inhabit lay around me in smouldering radioactive ruins.****

I looked at that image and I thought, fuck, it actually happened, that whole mid '60s to mid 70's thing was real...

I slept very poorly that night. Toyah Wilcox came to me in a dream and told me I'd never own a gas-turbine powered motorcycle with a HUD...

So the following morning I reluctantly looked at the image again only to be struck by the realization that it was a shot from a fashion magazine. It's not real! It's just a bullshit fantasy after all!!

My confidence, self-belief and unwavering commitment to my early '80s fantasy-future world were restored.

Roll on the future!

What The Actual Fuck?

*I'm glad I got that off my chest.
** I do understand that 'retro' and 'vintage' aren't the same thing.
*** You can tell it's authentic 'cos no one has any tattoos 
**** My personal early '80s Buck Rodgers future-fantasy does that a lot actually.

#PostFutureEternalRetroFantasy #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Thursday 9 January 2014


In contrast to the refreshing honesty of the last post, here's some implausible, immature and disquietingly misogynistic horseshit...


Tuesday 5 November 2013

Harley Davidson at EICMA

It's been 12 years since Harley Davidson first leapt into the 1980's with their liquid cooled V Rod.

Now they're doing it again with the re-release of the Honda VT500E Ascot... no, wait...

Harley Davidson at EICMA
2014 Harley Davidson Street 750 

Harley Davidson at EICMA
1984 Honda VT500 Ascot

I find this video boring and confusing. It's boring 'cos it's 10 minutes long and it's confusing 'cos I can't understand what they're talking about and I'm baffled why the Astronautilus guy talks like Will Smith. If it was Will Smith talking I wouldn't be bored or confused 'cos Will would just tell it like it is.

He'd say -

"S'up y'all? This is the new 2014 Harley Davidson Street 500/750. It's a real Harley Davidson, but it's built for emerging markets so it's smaller, lighter and cheaper than y'all used to. And it be liquid cooled an'all 'cos in emerging markets, pollution, noise, performance and fuel economy are real important. We gonna release some in the 'States too 'cos we hope some Hipsters might like'em, but we not sho'..."

Then they'd cut to the bit of the video with the music and the shots of the bike. The whole experience would take about two minutes and people would say -"Tha's cool."
As it is, it's horseshit and even the people talking in the video clearly don't believe it.

-"It's tuned to handle any extreme cities across the globe."

What the fuck does that even mean?!! 

I dunno...

#HarleyDavidson #Street750 #EICMA #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage

Friday 26 July 2013

Adventure Stunt Touring

What the fuck?

That's right! For people who don't have the attention span to watch a clip about adventure biking, let alone do some actual adventure biking...

Some horseshit about Butch and Sundance and some stunts. I like stunting and I like adventure biking but this is pretentious, shallow and cynical.

FFS Dude, lay off the Red Bull!

Adventure Stunt Touring

#AaronColton #MotorcycleBolivia #Mercenary #MercenaryGarage